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Dont Angry Me!!

Anger Management in children

  • Screaming, Howling and crying in supermarket or public are!!!

  • Banging oneself against the wall!!

  • Sitting isolated and fuming followed by tears!!

  • Hitting someone or anyone in school or at home!!

  • Misbehaving in Public Places!!

What are these gestures?? It’s obviously physical actions to show Negative emotion called ANGER!!!! Anger can lead to chronic feelings of negative emotions which lead to various personality problems as a child grows up.

Some common scenario we get to experience and see around us:

“My father had such a temper everyone listened to him” or “All men in our family have a temper” or “The moment I became angry and threw a temper they did my work in a jiffy!” Also in some cases if a family member has anger issues it is minimized by saying, “He is under a lot of pressure” or “It is her nature, she does not mean to hurt” or “He can’t help it, it runs in the family.” All such statements send out the message that it is okay to be angry or a matter of pride to throw tantrums. If this happens to be the case then the best course would be to talk to the child directly about how this aspect of a certain family member’s behavior is best not emulated. Making excuses or sweeping such subjects under the carpet may create confusion in the child’s mind.

  • “It is okay to feel angry; it is smart to not say or do anything right

Let the child know that this feeling is called ANGER and it is NORMAL. Everyone feels it from time to time. It’s not a bad but natural human emotion, it’s okay!!

  • “How can we shift from Angry to Calm state ?"

Next good step can be to make your child understand that there are ways to diffuse the intense feeling that he is experiencing. There are three ways to do that.

First, by being aware and expressing the emotion. “Yes iam angry”?

Secondly, when angry think “Iam angry because “… If we ask children why they are angry they too are likely to respond by saying because, “You didn’t get me a toy” or “He was teasing me”. It would be helpful if we could make them understand from childhood that anger or frustration is caused partly by our own thinking.

Thirdly, “If there is a problem, fix it or ask for help” Often anger stems out of a problem situation which might be making the child feel helpless or frustrated. We can use imaginative experiential methods or plain old storytelling to facilitate problem solving. Not only will this help cope with frustrating situations but also it will enhance the ability of problem solving skills in children.

  • ” Set realistic examples."

“What does Mamma or Papa do when they get angry? All children look up to their parents for behavioral examples. If you or your partner gets angry often, it is a good idea to examine and, if needed, modify your own reactions to anger and frustration. It will confuse the child if you act a certain way and ask him to act in another. The best way to teach children something is by doing it yourself. We live in a society where anger is often.

  • "Focus on positive practices"

Having said that, a predisposition to anger to a large extent is hereditary if there is a family history of angry temperament or hypertension, or even otherwise, it is a good idea to inculcate positive practices like mindfulness, meditation, exercising, and asking for help. These will help the child in the present as well has equip him to cope with greater challenges the future may hold.

  • "Learning by consequences"

One key factor in learning is consequence. Allowing the child to experience the consequence of his or her actions further reinforces the learning. For example, if a toy is broken in anger, replacing it immediately, will tell the child that his anger did not cost him anything.

In spite of doing everything right, your child may not show changed behavior immediately. We need to be patient and consistent. If the problem is severe or persists despite your efforts getting professional help is a viable option.

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